Pain of Desire

The worst days of our lives are usually not those characterized by complete and total failure. Instead, our depths of despair are frequently found in those days when we almost succeeded, but then let ourselves settle for less than what we know we deserve.

Tonight is one of the latter kind.

I was so close to accomplishing my first weekend of not overeating, but I allowed myself to become fearful of tomorrow’s challenges, which in turn led me to turn to food. Ultimately, I made the decision to value my immediate craving for liesure over my deeper desire for a meaningful life.

However, what tonight has shown me is just how bad I desire to lose the weight. The pain I feel in these repetitive failures is like no other I’ve ever felt before. I’m plagued by such despair at failing to lose the weight thus far that I’m tempted to categorize it as a sort of trauma.

This pain we feel is an indication of just how badly we desire.